Life is Calling

Scared of the dark, scared of the light. Scared of what could go wrong, or of what could go right.

Facing the shadows, dancing in the wind, am I near the end, or am I yet to begin?

From clear to murky, certain to worried.

Head is pounding and swaying, and yet amidst it all - beauty.

Sounds of life, sounds of death, sounds of chaos, sounds of breath. The wind in the trees, the sirens and screams, engines roar, silence once more.

I long for peace, stillness, and beauty. I am breaking into me and away from “duty”. What is me and mine? What is ego? How can I know the way to go, navigating through uncertainty, weaving through instability.

Head pounding, balance swaying, trauma released, pain replaying.

The ache, the weight, the dominating pain. The numbness and fear, so much to gain...

Deficient, weak, slow, not enough. Power on through, rally. Bury the rest. Crank up the heat until you burn away everything but the diamond inside, perfect, flawless, manufactured, uninteresting. No soul but its placement in a ring.

Seeking life and joy and feeling. Trauma keeps me numb, or when shaken sends me reeling. The tingling runs up my scalp, through the weight of the pain only more pain can be felt.

But the whisper of life grows louder. In the touch of the breeze, the scents of spring, the earth in bloom, the smiling eyes of my boys, the open warmth of my woman - life calls to me and I am trying to answer. Life has activated something deep within me, and so I continue. Continue to grow and shovel and break and rebuild. To falter and fall and get up again. To seek and inhale, to strive and exhale, to rest and heal, and awake to try again. Life is my love and she is calling me.