How will you live?

What is our value? What is our worth? For what purpose have we been placed on this Earth?

What we focus on grows, in magnitude and importance. So what do we do choose?

How do we live and validate our breath? How do we prioritize and act until death?

The timer is running for us all, like sand grains falling through the hourglass, for both the great and small.

Life and death, the great unifiers and equalizers.

So what do we choose? Who will we be? Can we pull off our blindfold and clearly see?

For some it is power, to control everything and everyone that they can.

For some it is security, to limit risk and pain to what they can stand.

For some it is fire, anger, revenge. Getting back at the world for the pain inflicted on them.

For some it is entertainment, distraction, and fun. Always seeking, never content. Exploring everything under the sun.

For some it is duty and responsibility. Fulfilling the mission, building community. Religion and culture, structured divinity.

For some it is to build legacy, of wealth or impact on the course of humanity.

For some it is connection, with one another. Intimate, social, sexual, emotional.

For some it is about the body’s expression. Moving and breathing – the body connection.

For some it is spirit, feeling the subtle. Navigating the mystical. Exploring the unknown, hidden, and magical.

For some it is the Earth and all her beings, serving and protecting, striving for harmony.

What about you? What is your purpose and calling? What will you do? Is your façade falling?

I find my process is always unfolding, diverse experiences leading to deeper knowing.

I have felt the full spectrum:

Hiding from Pain. Anger and Rage.
Longing to belong. Serving a sage.
Latching on to others for my own security.
Pursuing wealth and accomplishment for feelings of validity.
Chasing pleasure, avoiding pain.
Seeking distraction, feeling lost in my brain.

At the end of the day, the sun will set.
At the end of my life, I will run out of breath.
The great equalizer and clarifier is Death.

So now I am molting, entering a phase. Opening to new horizons, letting my inner self reign.

Weaving my thread into the tapestry of life. Raising my voice, owning my life.

Awakening to the voice of Earth within me.
To how I interrelate and give back to this ecology.
Which is to bring alignment and integrity into human life and economy.
To serve each other, living in unity.
Like mysilium networks, feeling and healing with our interconnectivity.
THAT is divinity. Embodied humanity.

Are YOU waking up? What do you choose?

Will you reduce the noise, to hear Truth whisper within you?

Will you step onto the unique path Life has given to you?

The choice is yours… what will you do?

Journey of Separation

Feeling lost and broken, the waves crashing in.
The origins of pain so diverse, where do I begin?

Always wrong, never quite right.
“Sit up nice and straight. Wear your clean whites.”

Don’t feel your feelings, or get lost in your emotion.
Meditate, elevate, sacrifice to overcome your commotion.

Too attached? Separate.
Too sad? Elevate.
Too weak? Run a gauntlet.
Too much fear? Confront it.

Held to expectations of a man, when I had barely learned to stand.
Treated like a grizzled warrior, when I was just a boy.

Told by my teacher and leader I was “born on the wrong day” and that my life wasn’t mine anyway, as his day of legacy replaced my birthday.

Swimming in this, knowing nothing else, it’s natural for me to feel I am not enough. For in the eyes of those around me, I never quite was.

Not strong or man enough for my father, though that is no longer a bother.
For I see him as a man, and me for who I am.
Now, how I choose to live is what I hold in respect, more than what he expected.

For my mother, I wasn’t her baby to be held and loved and treasured.
Rather I was a “saint” in the making, and my “saintliness” as a child was how she was measured.

In my individuating actions and confusion and pain, she was found wanting, and scolded and shamed.
In his eyes, she couldn’t mother me, only ruin me. And so her already unhappy life turned into agony.
There was only one path left visible to her: dedication to legacy.

I was too messy and human to stay with my mother, so I had to go live with another.
So began my journey of separation, of emotional isolation, for spiritual elevation.

Infinite Spring of Life

I am craving Aliveness, through movement and breath.

Seeing the life and rebirth, that comes from each death.

Energy moving, intimate connection, life force awakened, and moving in the direction, of love, truth and clarity. Dancing with ease, not severity.

Letting go of control and rigidity, feeling the joy, grounded divinity.

Abundance, not pain.
Possibility, not blame.
Opportunity, not shame.
Wild and free, not tame.

Radical trust in the great unknown. Believing and breathing into the seeds just sown.

Take what comes, be in the moment. My frequency is broadcasting right now - I own it.

Dancing to the beat of life, as long as I hear it.

Radiating the warmth of love, as long as I feel it.

Striving to live the unknown with courage, don’t fear it.

The infinite spring of life is flowing, may I always be near it.

Mama, I love you.

Oh Mama… thank you for your love today. Spending time wandering in your energy, feeling your beauty holding me. Your sand between my toes, the smell of your forest and ocean in the air. It felt good to be held.

It’s easy for me to feel pained or confused, as my birth mother wasn’t there for me enough. But I am choosing to believe that was so I could more easily slide into recognizing that YOU are my Mother. The ground beneath my feet. The air I breathe. The energy and life all around me. That is you – my Mama.

Today visiting you, I was captivated with your beauty. The array of pastel colors in the sky, reflecting in the joyful ripples of the water. Your gentle crooning to me with the water lapping against the stones, with vibrant greenery growing from them and swaying in the water. Your whispers of love as the wind blew through the trees, and your gentle caress on my face with your breeze. I closed my eyes, feeling my emotions. When I asked if you loved me, and if I was enough, the waves suddenly crashed louder, and the warm sun shone on my face, as the clouds moved aside. I smiled and felt special and loved by you Mama. I was breathing you in, lounging in your lap, feeling held and loved.

Then you invited me to come play with you, and so I got on a paddle board and paddled way out into your waters. The mountains were layered in blue and gold, shadow and light. I breathed and moved, feeling so special to be floating atop your waters, feeling closer to you. It felt like a secret, special place that was just ours, neither in the water or on land, and right underneath the sky. The sun shining down through complex and colorful clouds, the gentle bobbing of the waves.

Looking ahead, I saw what I thought was a blue heron, a special bird for me. But as I came closer, I saw it was the tip of a log, with a small bird perched atop it. The log was so giant, that as it floated, the top stuck out like a buoy, and the rest of it barely moved. I paddled closer, touching the log, marveling at its size and weight, and wondered why it had been cut down, and what it was doing here. I felt remorse for the way we humans treat you with such disregard and disrespect, and I apologized for us… it was all I could do.

Then, with the sun shining down on me, the mountains and ocean all around me, and the sky a dancing tapestry, I sat upon the board, my feet dangling in your cool waters. And we spoke. You listened to me… to my fears and pains. I shared about my pain from my childhood, and my pain and confusion now. You held me as I spoke aloud, my words merging into the ocean like falling drops of rain.

I feel so grateful Mama, that our love is such that as you answered, your voice resonated within me.

“You are held, you are loved, you are enough, always. And in all ways.” Tears sprung to my eyes.

But what about ‘this’ feeling and ‘that’ challenge? As I felt doubt about my worthiness, I thought “if I am not enough, then topple me into the water”. So I stopped balancing, giving up control. and at that moment the waves slowed and I stayed on the board. I smiled gratefully at your love and patience, and assurance that I am indeed enough.

So we talked it out and came up with some agreements:

That I will do the things I need to, so I can feel energized and embodied, every day.

That I will find time, even if for only five minutes, to connect with you every day.

That I will not allow myself to sink into feelings of feeling not enough, and the above two practices will assist me. And if I am sliding into that pattern, to catch myself and change tracks to embody, connect and express.

You then assured me that my manifestations are being modified and my prayers are being answered. You reminded me to trust and be patient. Just like the soil awaits the promise of the rain from the thunder clouds.

Thank you Mama… I love you.

Leaning into Loneliness

It’s easy to feel alone inside. It’s natural really, when the many different parts of you are fragmented and left behind.

When you remember your childhood objectively, like you’re watching a movie. The different experiences of pain, or loneliness, creating another fork in your being. And at the end of each of those roads sits your lost little self, a child left behind. The emotional essence of your many selves are scattered throughout time and space, fragments of your psyche, pieces of your heart, scattered.

For indeed the memories are like watching a movie, because that piece of your being who lived and absorbed those experiences is no longer with you. So of course it’s easy to feel lonely inside, when many rich, dynamic pieces of you are lost and left behind.

I used to believe the solution lay with others. When I felt lonely, I hoped they would keep me company. When I felt lost, I hoped they would show me the way. When I would feel the pain of separation, I hoped union with them would heal it all. But it’s like an unquenchable thirst, or a bird trying to meet its own reflection; connection with others is not what I am truly seeking or what will fill me again. I’ve been battered and bruised attempting that, and yet didn’t see the truth of my lostness, couldn’t find the correction.

For I am seeking to gather the children of my being, the pieces of my heart, the threads of my soul. It is not an easy journey, nor is it without pain, but it is what I must do.

Going back through the meandering roads and paths, climbing over hills and peering under rocks, and finding the lost parts of me. Greeting them with love and affection. Embracing and listening to them. Holding and honoring them, loving and protecting them. Adopting them into my home of NOW, so that they can be a part of the big family of aliveness within my being, all sitting around the table together, talking and playing, and enjoying each other‘s company. Because they were lost and now they’re being reunited. They had both a need and a gift. Now their need is being fulfilled, their gift is being given, and my inner home begins to echo with their joyful voices. This is my journey to becoming whole, and I treasure our magic moments together.

Life is Calling

Scared of the dark, scared of the light. Scared of what could go wrong, or of what could go right.

Facing the shadows, dancing in the wind, am I near the end, or am I yet to begin?

From clear to murky, certain to worried.

Head is pounding and swaying, and yet amidst it all - beauty.

Sounds of life, sounds of death, sounds of chaos, sounds of breath. The wind in the trees, the sirens and screams, engines roar, silence once more.

I long for peace, stillness, and beauty. I am breaking into me and away from “duty”. What is me and mine? What is ego? How can I know the way to go, navigating through uncertainty, weaving through instability.

Head pounding, balance swaying, trauma released, pain replaying.

The ache, the weight, the dominating pain. The numbness and fear, so much to gain...

Deficient, weak, slow, not enough. Power on through, rally. Bury the rest. Crank up the heat until you burn away everything but the diamond inside, perfect, flawless, manufactured, uninteresting. No soul but its placement in a ring.

Seeking life and joy and feeling. Trauma keeps me numb, or when shaken sends me reeling. The tingling runs up my scalp, through the weight of the pain only more pain can be felt.

But the whisper of life grows louder. In the touch of the breeze, the scents of spring, the earth in bloom, the smiling eyes of my boys, the open warmth of my woman - life calls to me and I am trying to answer. Life has activated something deep within me, and so I continue. Continue to grow and shovel and break and rebuild. To falter and fall and get up again. To seek and inhale, to strive and exhale, to rest and heal, and awake to try again. Life is my love and she is calling me.

Earth Day 2040

It is April 22, 2040. Earth Day. And humanity is throwing a month-long global party!! Why?? Because WE DID IT. We did right by our Mother.
We cleaned up our mess, stopped fighting, and learned how to not just “get along”, but how to be a part of the family and make it all work.

The majority of humanity has pivoted into a state of balance and equity, with each other and the planet. Commerce has switched from being destructive to regenerative. Integrative innovation is now commonplace, bringing nature-like solutions for food, clothing, shelter, energy, transportation, connection and healing. Science and spirituality are now nearly indistinguishable. Wild nature preserves are ubiquitous, and cities are now so green and interwoven with nature that the air and noise pollution levels within human cities is only marginally above the levels in raw nature.

Soil health and microbiome have healed to 19th century levels.

Water tables have returned to 19th century levels.

Mass solutions have been launched to clean the water of the oceans and land, filtering out the toxic soup of chemicals, plastics, and neurotoxins.

The global climate is settling into a new balance now that the trend of heating has been reversed and glaciers have been growing for the last 5 years.

The ignorant and inhumane practices of externalities and othering has ceased, and humanity lives as a collective of creatives, farmers, innovators, scientists, artists, and yogis, like many tribes under one unified vision and value set. Our lives and actions led by the frequency of the feminine, the indigenous, the mystical, the scientific, unified as a species to live, love, create and serve in balance with all of life.

How did we get here?? Looking back, it was a close one… humanity nearly missed the window of opportunity. Wandering lost, digging ourselves deeper, our renegade thinkers, artists, and innovators gathered and catalyzed a shift at the 11th hour. Creating a frequency, a vision, a movement, locally, and then globally, like millions of spiders connecting their local webs into a global tapestry of integrated, regenerative ways of living.

The tide truly shifted in 2021 with the first pandemic, COVID-19. As with most large movements, it wasn’t until we looked back could see the magnitude of change, picking up speed each year, like a wave building mass and momentum as it moves towards the shore. The regenerative movement took root that year, and by 2025 had hit such a critical mass in the culture, narrative and lives of humanity, that there was no turning back – it was just speed that was of the essence.

At that point in time, humanity gathered. Governments united. Non-profits networked and integrated. And commerce changed forever. Capitalism evolved into Regeneratism. With the increase in transparency and accountability from blockchain and foundational global regulations, businesses shifted en-masse into balance. All businesses now were operating within the new global system of Regeneratism, where full transparency and accountability, equality and balance, prosperity and unity, are built in, like air and gravity are the environment we live in on planet Earth.

There were many businesses that fought against this paradigm shift, and millions more who didn’t understand of care… but there were some businesses that lead this movement.

They were the flag bearers, the innovators, the case studies… they were the courageous ones, and let us honor those organizations and the humans who led them and served with them. Those humans who went against the norms and low societal requirements, who broke out of the rate race and decided to be regenerative.

To hold the long-term perspective, where the right thing and the smart thing, are the same thing.

To consider the impact on seven generations in all they did.

To integrate all externalities and all external stakeholders into the vision of one human tribe, one village, one Earth.

These are the communities and individuals humanity honors as the catalysts for the new era of all life in balance. These people and these businesses were mavericks. They aligned themselves, and then aligned their impact.  They were the first regenerators.

Dragon Awakened

I am the dragon awakened, the king of my life. But then what assaults me, but more pain, fear and strife.

For the challenge always grows, with the strength of the hero, like gravity pulling us from great heights, back down to zero.

What shall I do, run away and hide? Slip back into being that lost boy inside?

Sad and lonely, heart full of longing, adrift and confused, with no sense of belonging?

Or perhaps the good boy, good man, good student, good teacher, who gave his life up to the vision of the preacher?

Here he found a sense of who he might be, a place of belonging within this community.

Or was that a mirage, a sliver of truth? Was it merely a glimpse of what this young boy could do?

For who he is - who I am, is my journey to discover. My life is my adventure - my soul is mine to recover.

And so I stand up, stretch my new wings, reach to the sky, getting ready to spring.

Yes these wings may falter, I may yet tumble to the ground. For this dragon was lost, but now he is found.

Found deep within, chained and forgotten, trapped in the “neutral mind” and tied up in white cotton.
The mission was the chain, and the jailer the pain. Without his own flame, this dragon was tamed.

His childhood stolen, his mother broken, his father bowled over: the “master” had spoken.

But the wind has picked up and a new day is here, the walls have tumbled down and with them, some fear.

Sniffing the air, flexing its claws, this dragon is ready, despite its own flaws. For now its pain is its strength, its shadows its light, and this glorious creature, can now lift in flight!

I am the king of my life, the dragon awakened. Be warned, any who say I am mistaken.

The Boy and the Dragon

Last night I dreamt of a Dragon.

All night we adventured together, flying and battling, escaping and defending, pursuing and hiding.

I protected him and he protected me.

I stood for him and he stood for me.

For others he was a terrible thing to be feared, a wild and ferocious creature of power. For this he was attacked, and others attempted to capture him, to use him for their own ends.

I would grab my sword, encase myself in armor, and stand in righteous defense of his magnificence, his potential, his purity.

For me he was my friend, my companion, and my support. He knew my heart and I knew his. For others he was a terror, but in place of fear, I felt love. No snarls, but sloppy wet kisses would smother my face. I treasured him.

When he would break, I would fix him, for I understood his needs. Adding pieces, expanding his capacity. In turn he would hold me, protect me, and together we would achieve everything we desired.

We could survive any crisis, escape any attack, defeat any foes, fly to any destination, achieve any purpose.

Last night I dreamt of a Dragon.

And when I awoke, I looked around and he was nowhere to be found...

And then I closed my eyes and discovered him nestled within me, powerful and free and radiating love. I found him joyful and ready for our next adventure, and knew nothing would ever stand between us again.